CON AIR 2 “FIFTY IS NEW THIRTY”

CON AIR 2

“FIFTY IS NEW THIRTY”

Everyone must heard of the story about the king who walked naked on the street of his kingdom during the annual parade. If you haven’t heard about the famous anecdote, here is in brief what happened.

Once upon a time there lived a king in some far away kingdom who beard quite an aristocratic taste and Instead of investing in any developmental projects, he siphoned all the tax money in luxurious outfits and decor of his palace.

It so happened one day, two friends arrived in his kingdom and claimed to be the best dress designer of the world. They bragged about how they have designed so many famous king and queens dresses and since they have heard very much about the refine taste of the king, they have come to this kingdom, especially to design has outfit.

The king was ecstatic to hear it. The king provided them a big workshop and gave them the liberty to ask them anything they wanted to design the dress. It was decided that king would wear this dress on the annual parade function.

The designer started the work on the dress and for that they asked for tones of gold and silver on pretext of using them to make the dress. It was becoming very expensive but still king allowed it as he believed that this is going to be the dress of the millennium.

After one week the king send his ministers one by one to see the dress and give him the report. Each and every minister returned with the praises of the dress, which made king very desperate to wear that dress. Finally, the day of parade arrived and the king was to wear the most awaited of his wardrobe.

The two designers dressed the king. But to his utmost surprise he couldn’t find the dress. The designer very smartly made him believe that this is an invisible golden and silver dress he is wearing and no one in the world have ever wore. It was easy for those two con friends as they made even the ministers, believe, who came priorly to the king, to see the dress.

With doubts king wore the dress, but when he saw himself in the mirror, he found himself naked. But when the con friends made him realized how well his dresses have been praised by his ministry, the king sigh in relief. He walked the roads of his kingdom naked. They all laughed under their breath but no one dare to say anything under the fear of any punishment. It was only when a 5 years old boy shouted “the king walks naked” that king realized his blunder, but it was too late.

 The con friends have ran away with all the gold and silver which they were supposed to use in the dress, even the huge amount which they charged for making that dress and the king was left red faced as he walked the streets of his kingdom naked. Is this an anecdote or this happens in today’s world?

TO BELIEVE IS TO BELIEVE AND IS TO BELIEVE ONLY

This man sit next to me, telling the tale of his wife. They both are fifty something and his wife have already hit menopause and she is not ready to accept the age related changes happening in her. She can’t accept that she have become old and can’t have those charms of her young age and keep on comparing herself with the young generation.

Women like her, have tendency to go to beauty and slimming centers and then these typical women get entangled in their web so badly on pretext of looking younger and looking more beautiful.

And his wife was no expectation. For one whole year she went to these beauty centers and slimming one to look young. They made her believe that the wrinkles around her eyes and her sagging skin have disappeared.  And she have lost quite a deal of weight. But, according to her husband, she hasn’t. She looked same old her. If she have lost few negligible inches, that is because of her excessive dieting and fasting.

They tell her that her skin have tightened up and her wrinkles have disappeared, but still she have to put loads of extra make-up to conceal the things which have disappeared. Her husband get furious, while saying that how God made time cycle could reverse, but he couldn’t say her to stop fooling around. [He was very right not to stop her because Post – Menopause women have elevated level of self-righteous self-esteem hormones and if at certain point of time they are transected, their reaction could be out of proportion and to handle such a volcano burst becomes difficult to bring under control].

THE AWAKENING

Six months later when there was a big wedding in the house, his wife was ready to take over other women of her age. Weddings are like a situation of cold war, where every woman competes with her peers in make-up, looks, dresses and jewelry. The lady was also ready or she was made to believe she was, after all six months she has been working for this only. It was very cloudy on the wedding day.Same was the environment inside the house. It was a last minutes trouble. The dress she chooses to wear which she brought with so much love and passion was not fitting her. Though it was not fitting her when she brought it but it was one month back and in last 30 days she was expected to fit into it. End moment changes are very difficult the especially for the women, especially for “the dress” they selected for the ground ceremonies. It’s like their “the weapon” for the cold war.

To change the dress was next to impossible, so with all difficulties. She squeezed herself in that dress. She wasn’t breathing; her drill was few short breathes at long interval. She got herself the radiant make-up. Though she looked ravishing but still she wasn’t breathing. Finally they reached the party. She pledged she won’t eat as there was not extra space for even a little distended belly to fit in that dress.

Half the time in party she was complimented for her looks and dress. Half the battle won, but still half left. Starving was making her uncomfortable and to deviate her attention she joined the group of people dancing on the dance floor. After half an hour of dancing and sweating her throat felt parched and she drank a glass of water. She wasn’t even through completing that glass of water that her dress started to give up. The button at the back of the blouse busted out at the high projectile speed and landed into the juice glass of the random guest.

Slowly and slowly she could hear her dress tearing apart. To her horror, the whole process was gaining some speed. She ran to her husband tightly holding herself together and not breathing at all. Her husband came to her rescue and both bunged out of the party with lightning speed.

As soon as the lady came out, it started pouring as if the rain gods were waiting for her to come out. All her make up got wiped away and left few random strains on her face totally sabotaging her once so ravishing looks.

From the corner of her eyes she could see couple of ladies staring at her and with her acute hearing power she could hear words like “fat”, “wrinkles”, “old brat”, “ugly”. The half won battle was suddenly lost and that night she cried on the shoulder of her husband and that night she was enlightened with the thought that nothing can stop the nature’s course. She stopped going to such institutes who feed on false vanity of the women who can’t accept themselves in their skin.

PHRENOLOGY OF THE BELIEVER

-         High arched eyebrows

-         Slightly protruding ears

MORAL

“AGE GRACEFULLY”

CON AIR – 1 “THE PLAN – B”

CON AIR – 1

“THE PLAN – B”

Sometimes things happen spontaneously as we want them to happen and we become very happy. But sometimes they don’t happen as we have plan them to happen, in such cases we either accept it and become sad or we start over again from plan B. So here is one real story about “The Plan B”.

FIRST THE AFFAIR AND THEN THE MARRIAGE – THE GIRL’S STORY

Lithe girl with the dusky complexion and attractive features was the bond girl of her hometown. Everyone knew her she was quiet daring and with big dreams to settle in abroad. All she talked about was that she is definitely going to settle in Canada. But at the same she had a clandestine affair with a married man. They used to hang around surreptitiously and their family was unaware of it. It was only one trust worthy friend she had who used to arrange her meetings with that guy.

The affair prolonged for two years, but now the big problem was that her family have started looking for a groom. She curtly asked her boyfriend to divorce his wife and to get married to her. The guy, who said, that he deeply loved her, was ready to divorce his wife, but feared his girlfriend sky high dreams and ambitions. He feared that he won’t be able to fulfill them and then she would leave him and with a broken marriage followed by a broken heart, he won’t be able to live.

The girl started to pressurize the guy, as her family had zeroed over one boy to be her prospectus groom. The boy that family choose was though five years elder to the girl and had very healthy and matured looks as compared to the girl, but his family was very well settled, moreover the boy was planning to wind off his business here and was planning to shift his base to Canada, where already his elder brother lived with his family. Therefore the girl family thought him to be the perfect boy for the girl.

When girl came to know about that the guy was trying for Canadian citizenship, her mind and heart become unsettled. First time she started think with her mind and locked her heart in the closet. God was giving her a Plan – B to live in which fulfilled all her dreams. She gave her boy the ultimatum to divorce his wife, but since she couldn’t find anything positive she said yes to the guy her family choose and they got married. Everyone was shocked when they saw the groom; the girl looked much prettier and lovely. But since it was girl’s choice, no one said anything.

THE STORY OF THE BOY, WHICH GIRL’S FAMILY CHOOSED.

The guy was happy that he got a pretty wife. Actually he bearded a secret crush over the girl whom he met through a common friend one year back. The girl forgot about him but since that day co-indecently meeting with her, not a day have passed that he haven’t thought about her. It was his wish comes true.

He had given up the hope to get her but praise the lord, he was given a Plan-B by him to live his dream with his dream girl.

But, it so happened that 6 months after marriage, their family didn’t shift to Canada, on contrary, the boy’s brother was coming back permanently to India because he suffered some losses in Canada and to live there further could be very expensive on his pocket.

The girl was heartbroken and went into shock for a while, but on this pretext she couldn’t leave her husband. She accepted it as her destiny and accepted that this is the life that she would live. And maybe, God become generous on her and give her an opportunity to go to Canada. For time being her Plan-B failed.

THE STORY OF THE GUY, WHO WAS ONCE HER BOYFRIEND

Six months back, he was under so much pressure to leave his wife, the woman who came from a very strong financial family with lot of dowry. Since he was so busy to take care of his affair and his business was ignored so much, still he could afford the luxurious life style only because of his wife. He couldn’t let loose her golden goose, but he was being threatened by the girl that if he didn’t do anything, she would let their secret out and his wife, then would leave him willfully.

He lost his night sleep. One fine afternoon he was sitting and thinking about his situation, that his very old friend payed him a surprise visit. They talked for a while and suddenly his friend told him that his family was looking for a bride for him and how he bear a deep crush over the girl that once he met through him.

Suddenly the boy eyes sparkled, there was a Plan-B, sitting right next to him, to get rid off the girl who had so badly interrupted his, once smooth running life.

The boy talked to his friend and confirmed weather he was talking about the same girl, he was having affair with. And once, when he was sure, he assured his friend that he could get the girl he wanted, all he need to do is, as he says. He told his friend that they should approach the girl family with the prospectus that the whole family would shift to Canada shortly.

 But when his friend told him that his brother was also planning to return to India, he advice him to keep it under cover and just behave like that the whole family would definitely move to Canada in near future, he told his friend that this was the only way to get the girl of his dream. His friend was so much smitten by the beauty of the girl that the near thought of that he could get that girl, made him jump into this lie game.

And as the guy expected, the girl said ‘yes’ to his friend and got married to him and giving him his independence and security of his wife’s finances. The guy is back into the date market. He is very active on “On-Line Dating” sites. After all his Plan-B worked.

THREE IS A CROWD!

PHRENOLOGY OF “CON- MAN”

-         Eyes are big or sometimes small but the outer commissar is directed little upward.

-         Look for a big black mole on their face [Mostly present, but not as a Rule]

MORAL

There is nothing right or wrong, winning the only objective in this con game.

THE “RAPTA” [TIGHT SLAP]

                             THE “RAPTA” [TIGHT SLAP]

From childhood we are taught that we should be respectful to our elders, we shouldn’t use high connotation while talking to elders and definitely do as they say as they possess the grey hair wisdom. If we don’t follow those golden rules we will end up being thwarted, mortified as a failure.

The ACCIDENT

There was an accident at 9 am at the Pitampura crossing last night. A car [swift] was turning right that suddenly a bike [some pizza delivery bike] banged into the side door leading to a huge dent in the car. The car and the bike clogged. The rider gave the excuse that his brakes got stuck; hence he couldn’t halt the acceleration of the bike.

As usual, people collected near, expecting to see a fight. The car driver called his family and the bike rider called his boss. The police was also informed.

Fifteen minutes later, everyone came in, from cops, accuse and the plaintiff. A quality crowd assembled finding the cynosure of the incident. As the matter was being inspected, a man, may be in his early fifties.But with a fine lithe approached the scene and asked the accuse party to settle the matter by apologizing. He persuades them politely and gave a small push to one of them. It was not a violent one, just a slight thrush to pry him to apologize. The gentlemen wanted the matter to wind up fast as it was bringing lot of undue attention and the surrounding roads were becoming jam-packed with traffic.

But the friend of the accuse (who was pushed by the man) felt offended and rudely asked the gentleman to mind his own business and even went to an extent of abusing him and condemning him for pushing him aggressively. The man lost his patience and as soon as the friend of accuse was through his brute words, the man slapped him tight on his face. The “Rapta” with a banging sound, coming straight landing on his cheeks.

The accuse friend was taken aback; he did not expect this coming from the elderly man. Full in rage, he came to retort him with his words and dealings.

Then the most unexpected happened. The old man turned out to be a boxer himself. He took off his T-shirt and threw it on the ground.

Be holding their breath and with a synchronous awe the crowd looked at the six packed abs and strong protruding chest which were ambush by the white T-shirt.

Few hand and feet movement, and in fraction of seconds the accused friend was on his knees. The cops stand there as they were spectator. And the crowd had free fund trailer to one of the action packed Bollywood Flick.

Now, the scene have changed, new victim and accuse have debuted. The accused friend had no power left to rebuke back. The old man stayed for a while staring at him expecting may be something is more left in him. But in deficiency of any reaction, he eased his stiffed body and walked away, leaving everyone in utter disbelief.

After couple of minutes, accused friend was helped by two people to stand on his feet. He stood, wiped out the strains of blood oozing out of his bruises and with all the strength left in him said loudly “if he wasn’t an old man, I would have hit him back. Just left him because of his age and…..”

But before he could complete, his strength drenched out and he fainted only to wake up hours later in the hospital. He survived, but the bruises on his ego would take hell-more time to heal.

MORAL

“If you can’t control your tongue, you can’t prevent breaking of your tang [Punjabi word for leg]

 {PUN INTENDED}

THE WEIRD INTIMACY

THE WEIRD INTIMACY

Sharing is a good habit. From school days this habit is inculcated in young mind, when teachers ask us to share. Our lunch, our notebooks, our geometry boxes, etc, etc. As we grow up, we share our domentry room, share a bathroom, share MC Donald’s and Pizza hut bills, even cell phone recharges and sometimes unknowingly a boyfriend / girlfriend. This is very common.

But can you think of any weirdest thing that you have ever shared. Just give yourself few seconds to think about it, before reading this blog “The weird Intimacy”.

THE GOOD, NOT SO GOOD AND THE LETHAL STRATEGY.

“To be cautious is good habit, to be extra –extra cautious is not so good, but still fair enough but to be psychopathically extremely cautious is very lethal” said the lady sitting next to me.

She has a story about a medical procedure that her husband went through last year for the treatment of his non- healing, corroding and painful apthous of month.

Well, when we read and cram this medical procedure from medical books and hear it from our seniors, it look kind of fine, but when we hear it from patient’s mouth, it seems really weird. Well, here the story that she told me.

It so happened last year. That her husband had stomach bug, because of which he had excessive vomiting and stomach ache. People around him were so surprised to see him suffering from gastro enteritis as he was consider to be a person who put his health in front of all the things and used to eat with caution.

He went to the famous and expensive gastroenterologist of a well known hospital for his treatment. He was prescribed medicines accordingly which he took religiously. After five days he was remarkably improved. On sixth day he went for a follow-up. Doctor reduced the dosage along with it changed it to lighter salt.

Again he took the medicines for next five days. Though he was relieved, but the complaint persisted. The relief in these five days were less as compared to the prior five days. He again went to the doctor, and told him his mind. Since, the symptoms were relieving, doctor again reduced the dosage and told him that now he only has to take the medicine for five more days and his treatment would be over.

He again followed instruction for five more days. Though he was relieved, his vomiting was gone, his indigestion was not troubling him anymore or there was any tenderness in the stomach, but still, some how he was not convinced that he was completely cured of his ailment. Now, since the doctor has asked him not to come again because according to him, he was cured, he was in a complete fix. He had the fear in the mind that he would have reversal of symptoms as soon as the dose of the medicine would be terminated.

He have been cautions immediately taking the medicine, he have been extra cautions for continuing the treatment for 15 days for common stomach bug, but he have developed the phobia of disease and here, he committed a blunder, without doctor’s consent, he took the strong antibiotics, which were prescribed at initiation of treatment which doctor had stop after the course of 5 days. He took those medicines for a month. And he felt good.

After a month, he stopped those meds, thinking himself to be cured. One week after he stopped medicines he started to suffer from hell of symptoms, each and every symptom that is given in books under the topic of Gastro intestinal Disease.

He had alternating constipation and diarrhoea, he had severe indigestion that as soon as the food entered the alimentary canal, it was reverted back to its starting point. The man began to lose weight and his buccal [mucosa membranous covering inside the mouth] were full of apthous.

Day after day he shunted doctors, but no one could give him relief. Every test that could have been done to investigate his problems was performed twice or thrice on him, still the “Status Quo” was maintained. It was only after three months of his suffering, one doctor in south India could diagnose him that all his complaints are traced back to his heavy and overdose of antibiotics which killed the entire healthy bacterial flora in his intestines.

The only way to treat him was to re-grow back the healthy bacteria colonies and the procedure to do it is called “FECAL TRANSPLANT THERAPY”

FECAL MICROBIOTA TRANSPLANTATION

It is a process of restoration of colonic flora by introducing healthy bacterial flora through infusion of stool obtained from healthy human donor. This is a treatment recommended to patient suffering from clostridium difficile infection (CDI) which is linked with excessive and empiric use of antibiotics. Generally, the healthy donor is the one who shares same living and eating habit as the patient, therefore they are mainly family members.

HUSBAND-WIFE BONDING

In the above case, it was the wife who donated her stool to her husband, so that he could recover from his own created hell. Well, it took him two more months to get completely recovered after sharing his wife’s stool.

Now, you know, at what extent the habit of sharing is possible between the intimate relationships.

PHRENOLOGY OF “EXCESSIVE CAUTIOUSNESS”

Very long thin nose which is pinched at its trip.

MORAL

“Sharing is a virtue, so you should share whatever you can share” (Pun Intended).