The vampire story

        The vampire story

Everyone around the globe is smitten by the vampire stories like twilight saga, so how could I resist myself telling you one of the true vampire legends. Trust me, it’s not a fable.

A thirty seven years old, tall, fair, fat woman with thick glasses over her big bulging eyes {showing lots of sclera, eye’s white part}, came to me for the treatment of chololithiasis {stone in gall- bladder}. She had conceived three stones of remarkable size in her gall- bladder. Well I refused the treatment as it was purely surgical case, can only be treated by excision of gall- bladder {cholecystectomy}.

FORMULA- FACE VALUE

·        Gobbet face {well formed circular cheeks} – fancies fat enriched diet

·        Small forehead- weak grasping power

·        Bulging eyes – credenciveness { easily malleable into talks of other people}

·        High raised eyebrows as if dividing the small forehead equally in two parts – superstitious, credenciveness.

·        Sparse eyebrow’s hair – lack of leadership and executive traits, poor decision making power

·        Ears round, small and ear auricle bulging forward – easy believer, credenciveness

·        Length of the nose small – carelessness, lack of prudence

·        Nasal septum even with the nasal alae or nostrils, totally flat with no projection downwards – hopelessness, poor analytical mind, pathologically indicating weak liver and re-occurring bilious disorders {proved by her diagnosis of chololithiasis}

·        Receding chin – poor decision making power

·        Double chin – {like dewlap of bovine animals, example, a cow} – economical traits, believe in savings, doesn’t mean niggardliness

NOTE – Nature is very kind on humans. Since our protagonist can be easily molded into the talks of other people and lack proper decision making traits, always ending up in the dilemma, benevolent nature have compensated it by providing her with sound economical traits so that she is not plundered of her hard earned savings.

BUT, it in certain cases, it doesn’t matter, how many benedictions nature bestow over, the unstable, wavy and delinquent mind always makes its own imprudent call.

A MONTH LATER…

The lady whom I refused treatment appeared in my clinic a month later. I thought she must have gone under her surgery and was here for some cover up for post op’s trouble. But to my utter disbelief she haven’t gone under knife but have got herself treated by a new non surgical method and was here to request me to write her the ultrasonogrphy {U.S.G} report to check the status- quo of gall- bladder ultimately putting the seal of triumph to her recovery.

I had already invested lot of my time earlier to explain her that her condition can’t be treated medicinally and surgical intervention is but, necessary. And since being under Hippocratic Oath, reluctantly, explained her again the same thing.

But, my wise patient retorted my advice on me, but in highly advanced genetically mutated form {pun intended}. Here is our piece of conversation.

PT – PATIENT                                                      DOC- DOCTOR {ME}

PT – you want a surgical intervention on me, I got it done, but not the convectional way doc.

DOC – you mean by laser.

PT – no, much better, advance and safe. No pain, no scar.

{I was confused, I Google search all my grey cells for non invasive cholecystectomy. And after thirty seconds the result was – NO MATCH FOUND.}

Seeing me bewildered, my patient started with the explicit explanation for above phenomenon.

SHOCKING!             SHOCKING!          SHOCKING!

THE VAMPIRE lady OF UJJAIN

So the whole story goes like this that my patient was convinced to get her surgery done, but suddenly before the schedule date of the surgery she came to know from one of her distant acquaintance about a lady in Ujjain who treats this condition gall – bladder stones by sucking them out of the abdomen. No scar, no pain and time of procedure two minutes, more- over you can keep your gall – bladder, which otherwise would have surgically removed. So my wise patient instead of getting her surgery planned a family trip to Ujjain.

PT – so you see doc, this is how I got myself treated. She bit me on right side of my upper abdomen and viola three stones appeared in her mouth, my gall– stones.

DOC – OMG! You got yourself a vampire treatment; difference being instead of sucking blood the vampire lady sucked your gall- stones. Interesting and impressive!

PT – you don’t believe me doc, the lady have been doing this for twenty five years now. There are lots and lots of people from whole length and breath of the country, all being referred by successfully treated happy patients who were able to avoid surgery. She sees at an average hundred to hundred fifty or more patient in a day.

DOC – I appreciate, she sucks a lot! Did she charge you?

PT- minimal, just hundred bucks, totally in contrast to what I was about to shed in the surgery.

DOC – the vampire lady earns at an average ten thousand to fifteen thousand a day, well that makes her taxpaying vampire. Anyways, do you have any symptoms?

PT – none, my pain have gone and my appetite have returned.

DOC – congratulations! Why do you ask me to write you an U.S.G?

PT – just to check it out, it makes me so happy to be a p[art of miracle treatment.

DOC- don’t go for it, you have nothing to prove to no one, you have no symptoms, go and enjoy your life.

PT – why? Do you feel insecure, come on doc! It’s not on your practice. There is god and miracles do happen.

PT – {with a tight smile on my lips} well I had my own reasons to advice you against it, but since you insist, here, go for it {and I finally  wrote her the U.S.G for upper abdomen}

TWO DAYS LATER….

U.S.G Report of UPPER ABDOMEN

IMPRESSION -  three small calculi measuring 1mm, 1.5mm and 2.5mm seen in gall – bladder. CHOLOLITHIASIS. Please co- relate clinically.

I read the report loud. Since, the report solving the mystery of lost stones, symptoms of my patient returned in full blown form. She was bewildered, way more than she has ever been.

I explained her that of course there is god and everything happening in this universe is under his direction, but all these patterns have a deep logic behind it, which sometimes we can explain and term it science and which we sometimes can’t explain and call it miracle.

With heavy heart she said that she was conned. But still she failed to understand her disappearance of symptoms for two days. Well, I tried to explain her concept of “faith healing”.

ENDORPHINS

Her symptoms disappeared, as soon as the vampire lady showed her the stones that she apparently sucked out of her gall – bladder, which indirectly lead to the release of the month long stress that she was experiencing since being diagnosed with chololithiasis. Her brain went into relaxed mode and started to release “a feel good” chemical ENDORPHINS. The chemical have similar composition like morphine and heroin and have a tranquillizing and healing effect on body as it builds the immune system.

The vampire lady was able to generate the production of endorphins in my patient’s brain through her modus – oprendi. But my patent doubted it and went for U.S.G. well; actually this was a real reason for refusing her to go for U.S.G. When the hard core reality clashed with her faith of being cured, at same very instant the endorphins supply was cut off and her symptoms returned.

There are various ways to generate these endorphins for healing. In my patient’s case it was faith, in some cases it is laughter and surprisingly, in other cases, it have been reported, pornography have been used for pain management. At the end of the day it’s how you get pleased to get endorphins pump on.

ULTIMATELY….

Two days later, my patient schedule herself for the surgery.

On other hand, our vampire lady carried on doing the good work of “FAITH HEALING”, for chololithiasis, along with helping the government endorsing medical tourism in small city, Ujjain.

MORAL

It’s just, all one, big – big mind game, adversities; miseries; diseases all can be tamed.