EPILOGUE “THE GAME OF COURTSHIP” “LOVE AT BLINK”

                                                   EPILOGUE

                      “THE GAME OF COURTSHIP”

                          “LOVE AT BLINK”

If I, precisely recall, all I have written about male and female character and response in courtship rituals, all it says that female look for credential in her guy and male looks for the prettiest and fairest maiden of all. So, when it is so hardwired in male and female brains, that how come the concept of love at first sight be so valid proposition? We come cross, so many faces while moving around everyday sometimes one of the face we remember from the crowd for couple of hours or for a day. Sometimes we have celebrity crushes but still we have to see that face couple of times and know about that particular personality to realize that we like him or her. 

That means according to above logic, love at first sight is completely overrated Hollywood or bollywood concept first initiated by the authors like Shakespeare in his book “Romeo & Juliet” or Jane Austin “Pride & Prejudice”.

So, that means there are no “Heer and Ranjah’s” and “Soni and Mahiwal” in real life. Well, actually the answer is ‘Yes’ they are. “Love at first sight” is present but rare phenomenon hence seems totally like a fairy tale.

According to a study conducted in 1000 adults, showed that quarter percent (i.e. 25%) of men “fall in love at first sight” compare to 18% of women.

HOW IT HAPPENS?

LOVE AT THE FAT LATTE

The neurochemicals explanation of feel good hormones which I have repeated so many times comes after falling in love or time when we are hooked. The appropriate explanation to this modus oprendi is quite elicited by reading the book “BLINK” by Malcom Gladwell.

 He talks about the snap judgment in a blink of an eye. Sometimes we make a decisions in fraction of seconds and it turns out right, sometimes we can predict the outcome of the thing so precisely and accurately as if we have already know it, as if it have happened before, as if in a dream.

 It’s like you are meeting a stranger for first time and without even talking to him or her, in the first fraction of seconds you make out your judgment, how your chemistry is going to match with him or her and you even make out what kind of person he or she would turn out to be and when we talk to them, it turns out that we were right in first place about the person in question. Some strange faces are so serene to watch at and some are so repulsive and we can judge it in just a Blink.

This phenomenon in books of psychology is called “Rapid Cognition”. It is the fact, to know without knowing why we know and it turns out right and we accept that. It is also given other names like “SIXTH SENSE”, “GUT FEELING”, “SNAP JUDGEMENT”, etc, but all points out to one thing, to know in a BLINK. And this is concept very applicable to the fact of “Love At First Sight” even knowing in first sight about the strange face, that possibly would be “Love of our life”.

 Can you imagine this, can really happen?

Yes, it does. And all these things happen and are processed in the locked doors of subconscious mind, and moreover we cannot even give any logical or realistic reason about it. Are these decisions always right, that means whatever decisions we take about the person in first few fraction of seconds are meant to be right? Can we rely on them?

Answer is not always. Many times they turn out to be right and we think ourselves to be the processor of great psychic power and many times we end up committing a big blunder. You see, the locked doors of our brain depend upon how our brain is primed up to.

For example if I say four words, mother, father, kitchen, office and ask you to pick, two words at a time and make a sentence, most of you or almost everyone trying this puzzle would use mother and kitchen together to make a sentence like “ my mother cooks great dishes in the kitchen”. And the words father and office would be used together like “My father goes to the office daily”.

So, you see our brain have been primed to link mother to kitchen and father to office. And if we deliberately reverse the world like using father with kitchen, it would take us fraction of more seconds to make a sentence, because we are going reverse of what our brain have been primed to do.

Priming is like a brain-wash. You get up in the morning hearing a patriotic song; you will suddenly feel deep love for your country. You catch up hearing or seeming a motivational or heroic movie and suddenly you will feel that all problems of your life seem trivial and you feel as if you would conquer it.

 Why it happens?

 It’s still the mystery happening in locked doors of our sub conscious mind. It means that problems of our life which seemed so big have suddenly change, it’s magnitude. The answer is ‘No’, it just our perceptive to see them have changed, due to the priming effect of heroic movie on our subconscious mind.

And therefore, the one who falls in love at first sight, pick up the face in the crowd according to the priming of subconscious mind and then that face become locked in our conscious brain and chambers of heart. So our snap judgment about the love of our life could be right as well as wrong. It’s like 50:50 chances.

We make connection much more quickly between Pairs of ideas that are already related to our minds that we do between pairs of ideas that are unfamiliar to us. As we go deeper and deeper propagating any thought or facts, the things become so occult mysterious complicated.

CONLUSION

Falling in love is not the activity of heart only but the locked doors of subconscious brain are equally involved.

THE GAME OF COURTSHIP Series - 4 BREAK - UP

                                             THE GAME OF COURTSHIP

                                                           Series - 4

                                           BREAK - UP

The hardest part of any relationship is a BREAK-UP and it definitely breaks heart and brings dark circles under the eyes. Why it happens? When everything is going fairly well, how come there comes a break?

"ROUGH EDGES"

Well, Here I am not talking about flings or one night stands, they do not qualify under the team Break-Up. They are supposed to start and are short lived. I am talking here about real and true relationships. A very common line that seals up the deal of BREAK-UP is “we are getting separated amicably”.  

I don’t think so. You see, the whole scenario of BREAK-UP from it’s beginning to end is described by only one word, that is “Contempt”.

How a relationship reaches to the level of contempt?

Well this is very well described by Guttmann [Marriage Councillor], who have the ability to accurately predict the prognosis of relationship or marriage weather or not it would be successful or end in a break-up or divorce.     

He has described it as four hoarse men of APOCALYPSE [According to Christian faith, the time when the world ends]. The first level he says is DEFENSIVENESS whenever there is a negative emotions in a relationship, and things are discussed between them and if one party, instead of getting involve in healthy conversation, start to get irritate and escape, these shows the early signs and symptoms of some undercover ailment to be caught in future, if not treated well.

The second level is STONE WALLING. If there is frequent increase in such episodes of escapism in one party, this lead to frequent fights and complaints which is mainly done by women and escapism is the style followed by men. The women keeps on complaining and men gets irritated and try to avoid such situation hence they start stonewalling from relationship. Though this could be vice-a-versa but it is generally gender biased where women complainants and men stonewall.

The third level is when the complaints get converted into CRITICISM. Like “you never listen”, “you are so insensitive”, “you are selfish” etc etc. Though this is not good for solving the problems popping in a relationship but if counselled well the pathology could still revert back leading to cure.

But the death of relationship comes when the game reaches superior level of CRITICISM that is CONTEMPT. It is an insult for other person and it always, as a rule, generates haltered for other. You can still deal with defensiveness or stonewalling to a criticism like “you are so insensitive”, but when it is completely replaced by calling each other names and using abusive language like “Bitch” and “Scumbag” [my apology quoting such words, but there is no better way that I could make you understand], the relationship have reached an incurable pathology which would always as a rule would terminate in death of relationship.

The use of ‘Contempt’ is not gender biased and is equally used by both men and women.

“SMART-ASS” GAME OF BREAK-UP

There is another way also to criticize the other person and at same time rendering him or her speechless in public eyes, which is common practice of people with guile. This is very well elicited by Dr Eric Berne in book, “Games people play” under the game “Sweetheart” or “Honey”. In this one party passes subtly derogatory remark about other person disguised in end with anecdote like, “Isn’t it right sweetheart or “Isn’t it true honey?”.

The other party goes in fix, how to respond to a person, who though criticizing is still calling them sweetheart or honey. This is also hard road though sugar coated would lead to “Break-up”.

So, people start seeing the early signs of this disease and try to nib the evil in it’s bud and before it spreads like cancer.

 Start getting SMART in a relationship.

WHY CAN’T WE SEE IT COMING EARLIER

For anyone, to predict these four horsemen coming, while still in love is next to impossible.  It’s only during the twilight of relationship they abruptly realized that their chemistry didn’t match and now they have to go separate ways. It is because when down with love they do not find any fault in other person even though he may have many, even though those faults are very irritating to live with and one have zero tolerance for it. It is because at starting the judgment is clouded by so many feel good neurochemicals like serotonin, dopamine, oxytocine, norepinephrine which makes love completely and congenitally blind.

And finally after couple of months the magical mist of the love start to diminish the true colours becomes evident but now it is too late.

You can very well argue, Isn’t TRUE LOVE, means complementing each other and accepting each other without terms and conditions?   

Very right, I haven’t said hate the sinner, I have said hate the sin. No one deliberately drink the milk with dead flies in it. All I am saying open your eyes and thoroughly understand the deal in which you are getting into, otherwise “Temporary happiness now, will become the whole and sole reason for distress later on”.

 SIDE EFFECTS OF BREAK-UP

Pain of break-up is equivalent to the physical pain. You see, while in love, as I have priorly elicit, there is increase in feel good neurochemicals which make new, happy circuits in our brain and reduce our stress level. But as soon as the Break-up enters the life of lovers, there is an abrupt end to production of these neurochemicals, hence breaking away all those circuits and putting the mind and body in lot of stress.

One of my patients had an abrupt end to her relationship. This guy, out of blue moon, suddenly decided to stop talking to her, or replying any of her text messages. The girl was left confused, what have she done wrong, she failed to understand. It’s been three weeks since and yet she can’t come to terms what have gone wrong. “At least, I am worthy of an explanation!”  She always says that to me.

Her days in and out are occupied with crying, brooding, feeling bad for herself, devouring chocolates and ice creams and losing interest in her environ. She has become complete mess up and hence it’s affecting her social life along with her professional life. The only question that hover her mind is “Why”?

This is a typical reaction of female to a Break-UP. Their friends suffer more as they are in continuous persue to explain the victim, that still colors have been left to life and it is not the end of the world. Girls would think about suicide, but to commit it, is seen in less percentage. They are more weepy type.

 On contrary to it, guy’s have a very aggressive approach to a Break-up because of Testosterone and other androgenic hormones that flood their system. They approach is violent, either suicide or homicide. They go into deep layers of depression and the thought of killing oneself seems as the only penance for them.

It’s painful, very painful. But the best way to deal with it is PATIENCE. After all, I have to conclude it with one line...

“BEST REVENGE IS TO LIVE YOUR LIFE PERFECTLY”.

This brings me to end of the series “THE GAME OF COURTSHIP”.

Check out next week the epilogue to this series, “LOVE AT BLINK”.

DENGUE- THE PLATELET MANIA

        DENGUE- THE PLATELET MANIA

I am giving a break to my regular series but this is important. Of course, there is increase in the cases of Dengue Fever in Delhi, but DO NOT PANIC.

Dengue is not fatal except in few conditions, which is also true for all other fevers too. Every year, approximately at this time, September and October, since 2005, the time first dengue case was reported, have been entailed as platelet months of Delhi, because it has become the hot shot topic of discussion in every household.

Here, I am trying to bust out 10 Myths about Dengue.

Myth 1: As soon as platelets become less than 30,000, whose normal limit is 1.5 lakh to 4 lakh, go for the transfusion.

BUSTED: Totally untrue. There are WHO guidelines that until and unless there is any active bleeding like a nose bleeding or bleeding in stool or any other kind, DO NOT go for any prophylactic platlet transfusion.

Myth 2: Frequent Platelet count is investigation of choice.

BUSTED: Not at all. Since there is increase in Dengue cases the labs are flooded with blood samples, therefore manual reading of platelet count becomes very difficult; hence the reports are machine read, which generally have an error of 25,ooo to 30,000. The machine count in most of the cases is 25,000 to 30,000 less. Therefore reliability of such reports is questioned.

Myth 3: Apart from Platelet count and dengue test (NSI Antigen), others are useless investigation.

BUSTED: As I have already stated above about the platelet test and the machine error in the reports, it require no further elaboration. On other hand, NSI Antigen test is an indicatory test, not Diagnostic test. If NSI come negative we can’t rule out Dengue. Other Laboratory tests of choice in case of Dengue are as below:

Ig M: it is an antibody test. If it is positive, it means the patient is having the first attack of Dengue. [Again, it is an indicatory test].

Ig G: If positive, indicates, patient had Dengue in past. [There are 4 strains of dengue]. The patient have to be cautions in such a scenario as severity of symptom may appear, but still DO NOT PANIC, there are further more criteria to elicit the  prognosis of the disease.

SGOT, SGPT: These are liver enzymes which can elevate in case of Dengue where liver involvement starts, hence indicating severity of case.

Myth 4: Prognosis of Dengue depend upon Platelet counts.

BUSTED: Not at all. Until and unless there is any active bleeding, it doesn’t matter how much the platlets of the patient have fallen. The prognosis of the case depends upon how much your body have been hydrated. The cases of death being reported in Dengue cases are because of multiple organ failure which is triggered by, intravascular dehydration. It so happens, Dengue triggers the increase of IL2, IL6 and TNF (Tissue nacrosies factor) which increases the permeability of vessels leading to intravascular dehydration and subsequently organ damage. This is represented by extreme degree of exhaustion patient feel so weak; it seems as if nothing is left in the body. Immediately start the hydration procedure start giving patient fluid etc. Give 1 liter of fluid in first hour and then keep hydrating till the patient passes urine. If the body is hydrated, it will pass urine every 2-3 hrs in this case.

Myth 5: Patient with low platelet count requires hospital admission.

BUSTED: Not at all. Patient who can’t be orally administered fluid require hospital admission. The patient diagnosed with dengue, who complains of vomiting, abdominal pain, gastritis, tenderness. [Indicating organopathies] require immediate admission.

And so are the high risk people which include

·        Pregnant woman.

·        New Born Babies.

·    People already suffering from Kidney, heart and liver problems even before they had Dengue.

·        Elderly People.

Myth 6: Prophylactic Platelets administration helps in treating the cases of Dengue.

BUSTED: Not at all, but it could be harmful rather than being beneficial. It could increase probability of blood transfusion related infection like HIV, Hepatitis B, and C.

-         If the blood be donated by the family member, [who could also be under Dengue surveillance and whose symptoms developed later] it could lead to transfer of double Dengue strain in the patient.

-         Platelets refractionaries can happen [laymen meaning, when unnecessary platelets are administered in body, when the body doesn’t require it. If next year the same patient has dengue again, and this time genuinely required the platelet administration, there is a dip in platlet count, instead of increasing after the transfusion]. It doesn’t happen in all cases.

-         Body can have platelet Anaphylactic shock [again, doesn’t happen in all cases].

Hence until and unless there is active bleeding, don’t force your doctors for Prophylactic platelet administration.   

Myth 7: The juice of leaves of papaya will increase the platelet count.

BUSTED: It is still debatable, but there is no harm in administering it after all it is also a form of liquid.

-         Few Ayurveda doctors have advised taking Galoy Vatti.

-         Curcuma longa [Haldi] can be useful in such cases as Haldi have Anti-TNF [Tumor Nacrosies factor] which can help in prevention of Intravascular Dehydration.

-         Avoid onion, garlic and medicine like Disprine, Brufien, Combiflame, or any other pain killers as they can decrease platelet count.

Myth 8: Platelets should increase as soon as the fever comes down.

BUSTED: Platelets can still fall for 48 hours after the fever comes down and then they increase so don’t panic.

Myth 9: Dengue mosquito can bite anytime.

BUSTED: Dengue mosquito bites in morning and malaria causing mosquito at night.

Myth 10: Dengue with itching in body is a worst form of Dengue.

BUSTED: According to few experienced doctors according to their clinical practice it is the mild form of Dengue. Do not panic.

IMPORTANT TIPS FOR DOCTORS:

The two makers indicating Intra vascular dehydration

-         Increase in PCV (packed cell volume) up to 20%.

-         Decrease in pulse pressure [systolic Diastolic pressure i.e. 40mm of Hg]. [Therefore, check the blood pressure yourself and don’t miss the pulse pressure].

MORAL

Keep the sanity of your mind and fight Dengue back, Delhites.

 Together we can and we will.