Better Late Than Never--Now I Understand You, MOM

Better Late Than Never--Now I Understand You, MOM

Now I Understand You, MOM

“You will understand me only when you yourself will become mother. “Time will teach you”. “When you will be of my age, you will understand what I mean.” These were the regular sayings of a typical mother, I think of our age. So I also grew up with these remarks as a daily part of my diet without ever paying attention to such never ending cribbing or letting them cross my mind. I believe, in our times parents behaved like an authority and their wishes or commands were supreme with no scope for discussions or suggestions. The word ‘No’ was simply unacceptable to them. The only phrase which consoled us was ‘Generation Gap’. I don’t know about others but I differed on everything with my Mom- from clothes to friends specially boys; from eating habits to sleeping patterns; from hair styles to good manners. You name a thing and we differed on that. In my case, we both were strong headed but I on discussion I found even my contemporaries faced the same problems. Moreover, in your teens, you live in an ideal world where preaching and practising co-exist. One has views on almost everything because one flows with the Life and is eager to jump into the future. If one is an avid reader, the problems are multiplied as was in my case But somewhere with the entire intellectual reading stuff, I also read:

“HISTORY REPEATS ITSELF. WHAT YOU DO TO OTHERS COME BACK TO YOU”.

Indeed, the history is repeating itself frame by frame.

My daughter, equally strong headed (genetic factor), finds me quite conservative, orthodox, timid, quite adjusting and people pleaser (Time has mellowed me and I have learnt that books don’t teach about practical world). I am often accused of wasting my life by slogging in kitchen or feeding my family. When she mocks at me for being less tech savvy, I am reminded of the time when I used to shout at my mother on her inability to play tape recorder. When my daughter applies eyeliner on my eyes, I remember helping my mom in tying her sari. Whenever my daughter gets late, I frantically call her non-stop, I can visualize my mom making endless rounds of street when I got late( with no mobile phones). There are so many instances which take me back into time.

I feel with time many things have changed, but a mother’s concerns for her kids remain unchanged. No doubt, parents are friendlier today. Generation Gap is being filled with discussions, suggestions. Parents listen to their kids but a mother’s anxiety and love remains same. So, I would like my mother, who has become a star, to know that now I understand her concerns, love for me. I would like to tell her:

 MOM

Now that you have gone and became a star,

Time has taught me few things-

How important your words were

How important your talks were

How everything you said

Was impregnated with meaning

Which I couldn’t decipher.

Your talks seemed gibberish

Reminded me of old times

As future fascinated me

Now with the passing of Time

I am myself moving into old times

Becoming a part of History.

As my kids look in the future

My sermons are taken as gibberish.

How much hard I try

Children find my faults

Whatever I do to please them

I am always short of their expectations

Running around them and

Fulfilling my duties

Life has become a #contest

Sometimes as a referee between kids

Sometimes as a referee between father and kids

Juggling between the two

Each day has become #everydayisamotherday

Life has taught me an important lesson-

You can understand a Mother

Only after becoming a mother.

BHARTI KIKAN

DIFFERENT JOY OF MOTHERHOOD AT DIFFERENT TIMES

Different Joys of Motherhood at Different Times

Being a mother of teenaged daughter and a small son- everydayisamothersday for me as I go through a plethora of emotions throughout the day. Both the kids are poles apart in their behavior, tantrums, preferences and demands. Just to satisfy both of them, I don different garbs at different times. 'The road to success'-with destination as a smile on their face is quite tedious but satisfying journey.

 My daughter, being the Gen-X teenager, has developed her own perceptions about Life. Her newly acquired ‘Gyaan’ about Life has turned her into Self proclaimed Guru and she religiously delivers sermons to me. She talks like a profound sane and makes me believe that I am the most conservative and outdated person in terms of technology, fashion sense, relationships. I listen to her motivational and reformatory speeches silently and wonder if really being ego-less, attitude less and less cool means I am a moron or abnormal. YES, she actually makes me believe that. The moment she cools down and becomes my daughter, her ‘gyaani’ avatar disappears and she is back to her normal self. Our fighting zones are clearly marked- ranging from choice of clothes, use of phone, fb, instagram and the never ending cribbing about lack of dresses continues. With her, I have to be extra patient, cool and in control of myself. At times, she is like a mirror to me where I can see myself speaking somewhat same lines to my mother in my teens. History does repeat itself.

As my son is small, his demands are limited and easily affordable .His gibberish talk, his impromptu kisses and hugs ,dance sessions,stunts, dialogue baazi, descriptive details takes me to another world and the child in me comes to life. The stories about superman ,ironman, chota bheem, shinchan-I really struggle to remember them as I know only about barbies. But I am brought back to real world when my daughter angry looks speak more than words "of course you love him more than me, after all he is a boy. How actively you play with him" Again, I sit with my head down on being charged with favoring my son.

But apart from our fights, I really feel that I have found a very good and reliable friend in my daughter. We talk, discuss on every topic under the sun. She understands and respects my views. She comes to me to discuss her trivial problems and that reminds me that inside this grown up, strong headed teenager, my daughter still needs me. Over the years few things haven't changed, a tight hug by my daughter in the morning so she is my heartbeat--my son waking up and cuddling in my arms with a big smile so he is my sunshine. The race about who will tell what all happened in school is still a #contest between them and all these small joys of life makes #everydayisamothersday for me. 

BHARTI KIKAN

BAJRANGI BHAIJAAN!

Meet   REAL  Bajrangi  Bhaijaan  of SHUBHAKSHIKA

Sounds of Dhols, conching of shells, blaring loudspeakers and crowd dancing hysterically to the popular bollywood number “selfie le le re…..” from the block buster BAJRANGI BHAIJAAN. The air was filled with colours and the atmosphere was eclectic. Hanuman Jayanti was being celebrated with full fervour in a small town of Jharkhand. Shubham and Anand, aged 11 and 13 respectively were too a part of the celebrations. They were neighbours as well as good friends and inseparable. They had come to the town with a boy of around 15 whom they met few days back in their village. The trio took Prasad and sat under the tree, talking excitedly about the festival. The unknown boy asked them if they would like to see the festival celebrations in the adjoining town and assured that they will be back to home by night.  Shubham hesitated but Anand convinced him. Both of them joined the ‘bade bhaiya’, both addressed him this way, and boarded the train to reach at the earliest. Boarding any train to commute even to the next village is a common practise in some parts of India and Jharkhand is no exception to this. Unknowingly, the trio boarded the last coach of A Delhi bound train and sat near the gate. Exhausted by the celebrations, all of them fell asleep. Their sleep was disrupted when the passengers started getting down at a station.

Back home, everyone got tensed when Shubham and Anand didn’t return home by late night. The neighbours searched nearby areas where the duo was expected but no results. The distraught parents went to police station to file the complaint.

Shubham and Anand were puzzled as everything seemed strange and everyone was in hurry. On inquiring about the station, they were shell shocked and tears flowed down from their eyes. They have reached Delhi, the big city. Have they slept for so long? Where was ‘bada bhaiya’? Soon, the truth dawned upon them tat they were all alone in the big city with neither any money nor any food. They walked on platform of NEW DELHI RAILWAY STATION, holding each other hand. Soon they were stalked by miscreants and the unnamed kings of stations- the underworld racket which employs children in begging , rag picking, pick pocketing and other anti-social activities. All homeless, lost and kidnapped children are part of such groups and their modus operandi is to track more children and engage them in the above mentioned activities. Shubham and Anand were two such vulnerable souls.

Destiny had planned something else for them. While roaming on platform for two days and surviving on water, Shubham’s slipper fell on the tracks. He was helped by a young, kind man. On sensing something wrong, he inquired both of them about their whereabouts. The boys didn’t trust him, He tried to convince them that he would make them go back to their home and showed his identity card. He took them to nearby police station, lodged the complaint and then was redirected to CWC. In between he gave them meal. The children were too hungry and finished off very soon. The official formalities were completed and the children were sent to SOS where they were taken care of. The young man was SHASHANK SIR, an employee of SOS whose job is to look out for such lost children and then trace their parents and unite them. Till now, he has managed to crack 1000 such cases with the help of his staff. After much persuasion, the children managed to give their address. After that the process was tedious but smooth. The grieving parents, who have lost hope, were relieved to know that their children were in safe hands.

The parents reached the centre after two days. The distraught mother made everyone cry on meeting her child. She was inconsolable and was not letting Shubham away from her eyes. Anand’s father told that they have lost all hope of finding children and couldn’t thank enough to Shubhakshilka for this.

I wonder how many lucky children are actually able to go back to their homes

And unite with their families. We daily read about the missing and lost children and relocations are nothing as compared to the large number. But being a die hard optimist, I believe that God will send more BAJRANGI BHAIJAANS in this world for lost children. I salute to all such real life heroes who actually take their jobs seriously and put their heart and soul to trace the families of lost children. I also wonder, if REAL life imitates REEL life or vice versa. Whatever be the case, GOOD KARMA must be generated and these hidden Bajrangi bhaijaans must be rewarded and appreciated.

Bharti Kikan

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!

Life gave her another chance and  SHE gave her best shot

Parineeta and her daughter Pari, have grown up before my eyes. Well, I call her Pari as she is the miniature form of Parineeta-same broad forehead, same eyes and loud voice, taking control of everything. Parineeta was my neighbour, we were not exactly friends as she was younger than me but we shared same wavelength and the connection was instant. She was very beautiful, had beautiful hair, intelligent and bold. Both her parents were working and were quite liberal. Parineeta and her brother Piyush got equal treatment and opportunities. A perfect example of upper middle class family. Life was going smoothly. Meanwhile, I got married and was busy settling in with my in-laws and we met rarely. I remember when she came to see my new born daughter. She was her usual self---chirpy, smiling , and curious with her endless questions about my pre and post pregnancy, my feelings and so on. I couldn’t satisfy her as I was myself at the learning stage. Then , I got busy with new responsibilities of motherhood and our communication snapped. Then I heard very unpleasant things about her—an affair with good for nothing neighbour, parents disapproval, her elopement and finally her marriage. Gossip mills were working round the clock and were churning out dirtiest of gossips. Her parents shifted to another city to avoid undue drama. I had no one to verify the facts .Soon Parineeta was blessed with a baby daughter. I too blessed her in my thoughts and prayers. Gradually things turned normal, parineeta reconciled her with her parents. But Luck had something else in store for her. Very soon she realized her mistake, the guy was actually good for nothing fellow. He was a drunkard surrounded by equally bad company as he was quite rich. Parineeta tried to make things work but she could sense what was in store for her. She talked with her parents, discussed her situation and walked out of the marriage.

She was at her parent’s house when I went to meet her with my mind full of questions. She opened the door with her million dollar smile which further confused if what all I had heard was actually right? But beneath her smile, her eyes spoke million things and I could see many emotions crossing her face. I couldn’t hold myself and asked her about the situation. She told me that her marriage was the biggest blunder of her life. She tried her best to settle down but except pair, not a single thing gave her hope to stay in her suffocating marriage. After discussing with her parents, she opted out of wedlock. During our talk, the bubbly girl Parineeta has changed to a mature woman and a concerned mother for her baby daughter but the praiseworthy thing was that she didn’t shed a single tear. She was ready to fight to get things back to normal. With her family unquestioned support, love and care she faced the real battles of Life- a messy divorce, legal custody of daughter, completing her MBA, fighting society’s stigma and never ending questions. Like good days, bad days too , shall pass . Eventually Problems sorted out. She got divorce and custody of her daughter.

Today, Parineeta is working in a reputed management school and doing her doctorate. She has added many feathers to her professional career and achieved many laurels. Pari is in middle school. Both picture perfect mother-daughter duos are the cynosure of all eyes with their fashion sense, their cool attitude towards life.

 Wish more parents come out in support of their daughters who are wasting themselves in meaningless marriage simply because of societal pressure. A single mistake should not let anyone waste the whole book. Life should be lived and it does gives another chance, only one should have the strength and will to grab it. Parineeta grabbed it and so could you.

Parineeta is a single mother and she is proud to be. Parineeta and Pari lives are inseparable and for them #EveryDayIsMothersDay and Contest 

BHARTI KIKAN

I CAN BE A ROLE MODEL TOO

I can be a role model too

Last week I accompanied my friend to Rewari. While returning to Delhi, we got down at Samaypur Badli station. We were hungry, my friend pointed towards a roadside stall. I was surprised by her choice but followed her silently. We were greeted by a cheerful boy, wearing blue shirt , blue jeans and sporting cool hair style. He took us to a comfortable seat, near the fan, brought water for us. My friend asked her about his well being and work and then ordered food. When he went, I couldn’t stop myself from asking her about the special treatment we were getting and how on earth she knows the boy? The boy turned up with hot piping food,“Madamji, chole bhature khao aur thandi lassi piyo. Kuch chahiye ho to bula lena.”( Madamji, have chole bhature and cold lassi. Call me if you need something.) I was loosing my patience and asked her to open about this unusual bond. What she told me left me in tears and speechless…but its worth sharing.

“Chotu”, was the name he grew up with. No one knew about his original name, parents or where he came from? It was like he came from nowhere and somehow landed at Child Welfare Home for boys, Alipur. Since he had no one of his own, it was believed that he got separated from his parents. He couldn’t adjust there and was transferred to Astha Kunj, Rewari, HARYANA. By now he was around 12 years and had earned the reputation of a mischievous lad. Due to his behavioural problems, he was sent back to Child welfare Committee, Delhi. They shifted him to Shubakshika Open Shelter home which has earned the name for handling difficult children.

Chotu was indeed a tough boy to handle who would start fighting at the slightest provocation and bully the fellow children. The staff at SOS decided to tackle the problem from the core and observed Chotu for few days. Very soon it was found, that deep inside Chotu was a lonely person, yearning to be loved and appreciated. Once the problem was diagnosed, the road to recovery was smooth with few bumps and obstacles. The NGO staff made it a point to make Chotu an important and integral part of SOS parivar. He was involved in all the activities of Shelter home and his opinions and ideas, if good, were not only appreciated but also implemented. He showed interest in cooking and very soon displayed his culinary skills. Children and staff enjoyed his food and appreciated him. Appreciation, Love and faith of SOS transformed Chotu into a new person. Since he was a minor, but above 14, so with CWC special permission he was apprenticed to a chat/chole bhature shop where he was paid Rs 2500 as a stipend. His earnings were deposited by SOS in bank.

In May 2016, Chotu will be 18, can handle his accounts and can even start his own venture. From ‘no one’ to ‘someone’, Chotu’s journey has been full of ups and downs but Shubakshika has proved that “Best efforts always bring results”.

“Madamji, shall I get you something more? How was the food? “Chotu’s voice brought me back to present. I thanked him for his hospitality and we paid our bill. Looking at him, who could think that a spoilt, illiterate bully would become a role model for so many. The boy who once threw plates would be feeding others with his hands.

Chotu reaffirmed my belief that only LOVE, COMPASSION and EMPATHY are enough to conquer and change a person and the world in whole.

Best of Luck Chotu for your future endeavours. Way to go!

If you are interested to help, you can contact at the following address:
Shubhakshika Educational Society
H.O.: SHUBH Open Shelter Home
J-Block, sector-16,
Plot no.124/125Rohini, New Delhi-110089.

For further queries, contact
ROSY SACHDEVA (Secretary)
TEL No: +9199-10-049390
sachdevarosy72@gmail.com

CHOTTU AND FAMILY!

ROSY AND CHOTTU

CHOTTU AND SHUBHAKSHIKHA FAMILY!