Sunday, 28 October 2012

THE WASHER MAN


               THE WASHER MAN

A washer man is a person who will collect your clothes, wash them, iron them and deliver you back. Apparently there is no other definition of washer man that I know, until recently. I came to know about a man who washes each and everything coming from outside the boundary of his house.

THE PHOBIA
 
A tall, about six feet, dark complexion, lean lithe, bend shoulder with permanent self loathing and pity expression on his face man from Cuttack, Orissa have habit to be hygienic and he keeps himself and his surrounding clean by washing. As I doctor I should appreciate him but on the contrary I am treating him for it.
He is phobic of catching infectious disease and falling terminally ill because of it and it would be the reason for his untimely demise from the world. Making the old adage, “precaution is better than cure” as his golden rule, all he does the whole day is to remain clean and hence keep washing, washing and washing. When I say, he keeps washing everything coming outside the boundary of his house, I don’t say it metamorphic ally but in literal meaning of each every word.

WATER, WATER EVERY WHERE

Our washer man wakes up at four in the morning. Takes his daily bath, duration being one hour in which he scrubs himself from head to toe three to five times. 

He brushes his teeth every time he eats something, whether it be his full prime meals or tiniest morsel of any edible item, the number of times he brushes varies from five to twenty times, sometimes it may even shoot up. And because of this regular frequent brushing his teeth enamel have begin to wear off and his dentist had black listed his teeth as the endanger species but still the brushing continues as always.

He washes his clothes everyday without fail and everyday there are dozens of which are collected for him to wash. The reason being that every time he steps outside his house his clothes become susceptible to dangerous alien environment and carry potential to make him ill, so after completing his errands, he rushes back to his territory, washes his feet from water from water tank fixed at the main gate of his house and then straight away marches to the bathroom to wash and scrub, discarding the old clothes to be washed tomorrow and wearing the new ones. The procedure remains the same even if his going five steps away from his house to nearby shop to buy things of daily use. 

Apart from washing raw vegetables and fruits, another thing that is washed in his house is the currency notes and coins. It doesn’t matter whether they are coming as returned change from the shops, or from cashier of the bank or the ATM, they share the same fate, first being dipped in water, and then clipped on the ropes to be dried in sun and finally being ironed. 

His family members are sick of him as he even makes them wash their hand million times in a day. The worst sufferers are the cooks and servants of the house. He won’t touch his food until he sees water dripping from the hands of his cook while he serves food at the dining table. And servants are kept busy in washing and scrubbing floors, walls, tables of the house and they are made to do it again and again, if someone from outside enters and use the premises, it doesn’t matter who they be {may they be the guests or neighbors or any member of the house who have returned from outside}.

Out of eighteen waking hours in a day this man spends around ten to twelve hours in washing, washing and washing. 

And the credit added to his name is that he happens to be proud and highest payer of water bill of the city in which he lives.


PHRENOLOGY

·       Small forehead – average intelligence
·       Deep horizontal wrinkles covering whole breath of his forehead – carefulness, tendency to worry a lot
·       Small eyebrows – lack of observation
·       Sparse hair growth in his eyebrows - lack of executive qualities
·       High raised eyebrows, dividing the forehead equally in two parts – superstitious, excessive credenciveness
·       Small eyes with its outer angle pointing downwards – persuasive eyes, east to come in talks of other people
·       Long nose – excessive carefulness
·       Pinched nose – {constricted alae nasi, reducing the entry of air} – leading to fear and delusional ideas {in this case phobia of catching infectious disease and dying because of it}
·       Small and lack of fullness in upper lips – indifference to loved ones
·       Lack of fullness of lower lip – feeble digestion leading to accumulation of toxins in the system – feeble thinking and delusional ideas
·       Narrow and sucked cheeks – lack of friendship and hospitality
·       Narrow chin – lack of prudence, unreasonable acts
·       Chin protruding outwards – obstinate
·       Ears protruding forward – superstitious, easily coming in talks of people


REASON BEHIND THE PHOBIA

{HOMOEOPATHIC EXPLANATION}

SYPHILIS is a sexually transmitted disease caused by Treponema pallidum.

The primary stage causes the Hunterian chancre {ulcer} on the genitals. The secondary stage leads to rashes on the body and enlarge lymph nodes and mucosal lesions.
The tertiary stage has cardio-vascular and central nervous system involvement leading to degeneration of organs.

This disorder doesn’t end with the life of the diseased human being but is transferred to coming generation, not as the disease personified {meaning that you can’t inoculate Traponema pallidum from any blood or serum sample} but in the form of phobia, obsession and delusions.
This trait being the family heritage is inherited by next generations. The vices of the ancestors become the suffering of the coming generation.

Washing of hands million times a day, catching hold of infectious disease, fear of dying of infectious disease are some of the phobia seen in the people whose family tree shows the exposure of syphilis in prior generations. 


MORAL

Why do we fear dying, when death is inevitable? I once read these lines somewhere, though I don’t recall the name of the author but would like to share with you.


“to every man on this earth,
death cometh soon or late
how can a man die better?
by facing difficult odds
for ashes of his father
for temples of his gods.”

Wednesday, 24 October 2012

THE MARK OF VISHNU


                    THE MARK OF VISHNU

A true vaisnava {devote of lord Vishnu} every morning after having the bath smear his body with paste of sandalwood. There are thirteen different places on body where the mark of lord Vishnu identical to English letter “V” is applied as the obeisance to the lord and with each smearing, the names of lord varied avatars are chanted in the form of mantras {holy hymns}.
Following is the Tilak mantra. 


Part of the body                                  The mantra


1 Forehead                                     Om Keshavay namha
                                                    {Obeisance to lord keshava}

2 Above umbilicus                        Om Narayana namha
                                                    {Obeisance to lord narayan}

3 Chest bone                                 Om Madhava namha
                                                    {Obeisance to lord madhav}

4 Throat                                        Om Govinda namha
                                                    {Obeisance to lord govind}

5 Right of umbilicus                     Om Vishnu namha
                                                    {Obeisance to lord Vishnu} 

6 Right arm                                  Om Madhusuda namha
                                                    {Obeisance to lord
                                                                             madhusudan }

7 Right shoulder                              Om trivikramay namha
                                                    {Obeisance to lord
                                                                             trivikramay}

8 Left of umbilicus                        Om Vamanay namha
                                                    {Obeisance to lord vaman}

9 Left arm                                      Om Shridhar namha
                                                    {Obeisance to lord shridhar}

10 Left shoulder                        Om Hrishekeshay namha 
                                                    {Obeisance to lord
                                                                                hrishekesh} 

11 Below neck                              Om Padnabhay namha
                                                    {Obeisance to lord
                                                                               padnabhay}

12 Waist                                        Om Damodar namha
                                                    {Obeisance to lord damodar}

13 Occipital area                         Om Vasudev namha
                                                    {Obeisance to lord                      
                                                                           vasudev}   
               

This is the regular procedure for a Vaisnava, wake, bath and smear, done without fail every day. These smears are temporary as sometimes they get washed away or wiped away. What if these marks were waterproof and wipe proof, let say permanent, would that person be the chosen one?


THE BLUFF MASTER

A fourteen year boy, dark complexion, oval face, moderately build suffers from frequent attack of asthma. There is very typical thing about his bouts of asthma attacks as they are his emotion controlled. Anything or anyone pisses him off, he gets one of them, any major decision making time, and the anxiety triggers one of worse attack or any punishment for his misdeed also incites one of them.
Moreover he is an ingenues thespian who gives an Oscar competing performance of his sickness that until and unless the stethoscope is put on his chest to check his breath sounds you can’t distinguish between the genuine and the folly symptoms. He is such a great sympathy seeker.
 And to complement it remarkably he is naturally gifted with “The mark of Vishnu” on his forehead. Two prominent veins terminating at a single point on forehead forming a “V”. Born in the family of orthodox vaisnava, he is considered the blessed one, hence have advantage over other siblings in the family. He is never reprimanded for his misdeeds and his all valid or invalid demands are satisfied with utmost perfection considering it to be the word of god.
With all these feathers in his cap he is the accomplished Bluff Master.


MEDICAL EXPLANATION OF HIS MARK

Our bluff master has the anomaly which we call medically Cavernous Haemangioma. It is developmental malformation of blood vessels, usually present since birth. They become more and more prominent with passing years. It’s bluish in color as the content is the venous blood. So actually according to books of medicine the so called mark of Vishnu on the forehead of the boy is developmental defect and have no hidden meaning to it 


PHRENOLOGY OF BLUFF MASTER

·       Broad forehead – memory of events
·       Spare hairs in eyebrows – lack of executive qualities
·       Small eyes and outer corner of eyes having upward deviation – slyness and conceit
·       Concave nose – lack of executive quality and weak decision making power
·       Pinched nose at the tip – lack of sublime and ideal presentation of behavior
·       Oval face {ample of muscle supply} – flexible to situation and can flawlessly enact varied colors of emotion on his face
·       Receding chin – poor decision making trait
·       Small mouth – greed, rapacious
·       Double chin {dewlap under the chin} – greed
·       Thick neck – avarice, greed
·       Dark complexion – more the color of the skin, more is the passion towards the dominating trait, in this case it is greed


GIMMICK OF BLUFF MASTER

The undue advantage he gets on the pretext of the mark of Vishnu are stated as following –
·       He is never reprimanded for any of his misdeed, but instead his siblings bear the wrath of his share.
·       He sticks to none of his decision and keeps changing them. In past one year he have shunted into different hobby programmes irrespective of the fact that the whole fees of the programme being paid in advance by his parents. Sometimes he wants to learn karate, sometimes tycondo, or music or drawing and other time he is satisfied with dancing. He always cites imprudent reason for his refusal. He displays them so perfectly on the backdrop of his mark that he is never ever refused.
·       He never completes his homework worse even leaves his examination sheet unanswered.
·       He broke his LED television with his power blade.
·       Starts the brawl and then skips out of it efficiently leaving other fighting, he actually enjoys it.
·       And the list goes on and on.......


A TRUE VAISNAVA

A true vaisnava is the eternal servitor of the lord Vishnu, demanding nothing in return. His happiness lies in just serving his master and just to distinguish himself from others he smear his body with his master trademark. It’s not the mark in the material sense but the mark transcendentally personified that represent the basic feel or “Bhava” as it is explained in the tenth canto of "Bhagvatam". It is never the license for imprudent and unreasonable acts which bear the potential to doom whole mankind into bigotry and unwanted orthodoxy taking us further away from our true master, total contrary to its basic purpose.


MORAL

No one is stamped good or bad at time of birth,                         upbringing and morals make them choose their berth.

Friday, 19 October 2012

BOYS ARE ALWAYS GOING TO BE BOYS {SERIES – 2} PLAYBOY’S HATRICK


          BOYS ARE ALWAYS GOING TO BE BOYS
              {SERIES – 2}   PLAYBOY’S  HATRICK

Ten years back, this time of the year was really very unnerving for me. I had myriad of things seeking my attention at same point of time like chemistry, physics, maths, biology, their assignments, projects, school credits and approaching board exams. Every morning I woke up making a schedule, permutation and combination of them to their decent time slot and by the night freaked out by the schedule. It was not like that I was the problem child but at that point of time the world seem turning upside down.
But for lucky few that I came to know that every month of the year is the love month February and their world is garden of red roses, personally decorated by cupid himself.


I AM THE MAN
Hari, seventeen years old, lean, 5’6”, science student {non- medical} in final year of high school came to me for the treatment of sebohrric dermatitis and acne rosacea. You can miss him for any Indian teenager having issues but when you come to know him better, he is actually the one creating issues.
His all season, full time thing is to make girlfriends, apart from that he sometimes studies to solace his parents who have been financing his school fees, coaching fees, guitar classes {he is a part of Punjabi band, not because he want to be a big rock star, because it is cool and add to his credentials to make girlfriend}, his pocket money and his miscellaneous errands.
He was dating three girls at that time. I asked him, wasn't it difficult for him to manage, but he enlightened me with his first hand experienced rules of the “DATE GAME”, and abiding to them no danger could ever come hunting for him. 


THE PLAYBOY LOOKS BASIC PHRENOLOGY

Massive hair growth on head – brain full of ideas {in his case irrational ones} and also day dreamer

Round forehead – creativeness

Bushy eyebrows – creativeness

Eyebrows joined at the center {above the nose} – secretiveness, slyness
Small eyes – narrow thinking, secretiveness

Long and narrow commissars {corners} of eyes – polygamous eyes {believe in having many partners at a time}

The outer corner of eyes turned upwards – deceit and slyness

Long nose – carefulness

The tip of the nose pointing downwards – dramatic personality

Breath of bridge of the nose small – lack of veneration

Pinched nose – lack of ideality and sublimity

Fullness, redness at center of upper lip – excessive amativeness {sex love}

Lower lip lacked fullness and redness as compared to upper lip – lack of benevolence and kindness of hear

Narrow jaw – witty jaw

Chin protruding in front – avarice

Dimples in cheek – approbativeness, love for praise

Ears round and small – love of music


PLAYBOY’S AUTOGRAPH Y

{The first hand experience in his own words, nothing edited, cut or changed}

I have just entered my teen along with rest of the boys of my class and suddenly there was enormous pressure on us to prove that we are the “NEW MEN” of the world and the one who scores the best would be the new teenage “BOND” of the school.
All we have to do was to date girls as many as we can. There was rush to choose the date girl, it was like the Diwali sale rush, if you missed this one, you have to wait one full year for it to come back and definitely you lose opportunity to look good at Diwali and earn happiness by making your rivals jealous.
As a starter, I was not that smart and quick, there were falls and mistakes, but they helped me learn and become the master of the “ DATE GAME”, I don’t want to sound pompous, but I kinda become the “LOVE GURU” of generation next. 


MY  FIRST  AND  ONLY  THREE  MISTAKES


FIRST MISTAKE   -  UNNECESSARY MESS

I was thirteen and under lots of pressure and I already said I was not that smart, all the cream around me was getting booked with every passing day. It was so unnerving for me as I was losing the valuable time and simultaneously crashing out of the race. But by the grace of god, I found one girl to date, though she was not at all{she was the one and only non Punjabi girl he dated}, even near to what I thought my first date girl would be but it’s alright I am not going to marry her after all. She was my next door neighbor. I dated Ghani for a while, though I was not much interested, she was just to boost my male ego in front of my other male friends.
The chick talked so much that my head started to buzz. It took her some time to realize that I was not interested in her. I don’t know that whether she became angry or started a revenge drive, she unnecessary got me into different brawls and one of them got ugly and that to with my another neighbor, Hash. It went so blown out that things reached our home. The most guarded secret was out and my so called girlfriend tried to save her skin and poured all the acid on me. Her mother came to our home and fought with my mother and accusing me of stalking and adulterating her innocent daughter. Can you believe that, that girl was so impossible?
First I got out with injuries spoiling my million dollar face with Hash and then severe punishment by my folk’s abandoning me from all the perks and luxuries for months. They say time is the best healer but they don’t give us exactly how long, the exact figure. In my case it took about six months to get back to normal. In those six months I took very important decision of my life, never to date neighbor chick {not in 5 km radius}, never to get in any brawl for the chick and definitely not dating any non Punjabi girl {my chemistry never matches with them}.

SECOND MISTAKE  -  FUTURE PLANNING

After having diabolic relationship with Ghani, I moved up to next level and it was then that I met Mills, she was beautiful, smart, Punjabi and not my neighbor. It started as the fling and I don’t know how and when I started to have feelings for her, surprisingly the great Hari was falling in love with a girl. I am adventurous so I thought why not?
I tutored her, showered her mother with gifts {well, this really work guys} and did his school assignments, gave her all perks to be my lucky girl.
Things started to become so serious that I did the biggest blunder of the date game; I started to plan future with her. Her father was the chef in one of the most famous restaurant in Italy and the whole family was about to move over there. So I planned how to maintain the long distance relationship with her and when I would be through my hotel management degree, I would move there and she will then introduce me to her father who for the happiness of his daughter would help me in my career and when I get little stability I would marry Mills and we would have three kids, two daughter Emma and Suzan and one son Carlos {I even accepted non Punjabi names of my kids for that girl}. It was like a fairy tale.
What was I thinking, I was so naïve and then I repeated one of my last mistakes that I got into fight for her and that too with none other than my favorite opponent Hash. It happen Hash and Mills were in same coaching classes and Hash wasted no time to leash out the poison against me as soon as he came to know that Mills was dating me. And that stupid girl whom I thought I love, fall for it. How can girls be so irresponsible and unbelievable?
With a bruised heart and face, I learned my lesson hard, no deep involvement with chicks and no more fighting; after all I couldn’t afford to have scars on my pretty face.


THIRD MISTAKE  - ULTIMATE FLING

It took me a while to get over Mills. It was during my ninth standard examination, I sat there writing my answer sheet that for one moment I lifted my eyes, just for a moment only and I couldn’t believe myself what I saw.
A girl sitting in the diagonally opposite class was secretly glancing at me from her class’s window and smiling at me. I looked up to the imaginary god and thought in my mind, seriously god, at this moment and then without wasting another second of my life, I looked at her, tilted my head and smiled back in my most lethal signature way {it never, ever fails}. She giggled and automatically I know that laughter of approval. But as the anti climax, the stupid, stupid teacher jealous of chemistry brewing between us closed the damn door.
The same day I found her on the face book and send her the invitation to be friend and she accepted. Her name was Pooh and she was a Punjabi. We chatted on internet but in reality ice between us was still to be broken.
I came to know that she have a friend Neds who happens to have a crush on my best friend Bector and she could not approach him as he have "no dating girl" type image. There was a solution, I help her and she helps me and we made a deal which worked fabulously. I and Pooh and so Neds and Bector were the couple.
I had ultimate fun with Pooh and at same time I was careful not to repeat my previous mistakes. I was happy and high on my success that I ultimately landed in a perfect fling, but providence had another lesson left to teach me.
Neds broke with Bector and she kind of take out that revenge from me and spilled all the beans about our deal to Pooh. It was supposed to be a secret that we were suppose to take to our grave. Can you believe that girl, how can they be so impossible? Things fell off between me and Pooh. And I learned the last lesson of the date game, never ever take a via route, always approach the girl directly.


NOTE – he was the one who became the “TEENAGE BOND OF THE YEAR” for dating almost every girl in the school. This title was announced during his farewell.


MORAL
There is no second opinion about it; boys are always going to be boys.