The big fat love story

             The big fat love story

“Love is blind”, they say and this notion is so magnanimously and magnificently seen in our own bollywood flicks. Well, I just came across the story that along with blindness love also suffer from weak arithmetic skills, bereft of any basic mathematical logic. What will you say when a one hundred fifty kg boy with height approximately 5’10” sweeps of the floor the fifty kg girl approximately 5’3” height. I swear to god neither I am exaggerating and neither mistaken with eliciting the numerical value of the body stats.

LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT

As the story goes, once upon a time there happen to be a girl, very beautiful and slim. When she was in her final year of the school her family decided to shift to another place and she was made to change her school. As it was predestined the slim girl ends up in the fat boy’s school and in his section.

When they saw each other at first time, the slim girl couldn’t believe her eyes that someone could be so giant and fat, her jaw dropped in shock. But when the fat boy saw the new girl, it was love at first sight and his jaw dropped in awe seeing the girl of his dream to stand in front of him. But none of them talked to each other at that time.

As few months passed away and still none made any efforts to talk to each other, but it was girl who always prayed that the fat boy should never be absent, not because she have fallen for him but it was because she have difficulties in Hindi language and she feared her teacher as she was very strict and would reprimand any student who made any slightest mistake in that subject.

But our fat boy had a good command over the subject and was in good books of the teacher. So in the Hindi periods he grabbed the whole and sole attention and would never shut up in the class and hence giving excuses to all those weak students especially the new slim girl. Whether he did it on purpose or was tuned to that mode, his acts sub consciously impressed the girl who he had fallen months back and couldn’t gear up enough power to impress or even talk to her.

THE HERO THE HEROINE AND THE VILLAIN

 The boy’s best started to develop crush over the new girl and started drooling his feelings openly and started to stalk her. She ignored at first, but when it became intolerable she brought the matter to his family. Her father came to the school and met the principal. Lot of drama took place and for weeks it remained the hot topic for discussion in the prior dull school. The boy’s best friend was punished and was left with the warning, but this doesn’t stop the villain to chase the heroine, but this time it was undercover and he left no evidences.

He was getting on her nerves and she can’t always get his dad involve every time and this time she can prove nothing as his every move was all under cover. She was so sick of him that she decided to talk to villain best friend, the hero.

THE FIRST TIME THEY TALKED

She approached him and poured her heart, that how annoyed and pissed off she is because of the action of his best friend and her now last hope is that he explains his friend that she was and will never be interested in him. Till this date she couldn’t find out that how she got that idea of approaching him and preying him to help her? But she did then and didn’t care who she approach to solve her problem.

The fat boy couldn’t believe at first and when the feeling finally sink in, he braved his emotion and hide his smile and put a serious face listening thoroughly to her tale of misery.

The girl continued that she never ever harbored any feeling against any boy in this class, in fact any boy till now and she sees them with sisterly eyes.

Boy was shocked and his smile fade away and he rechecked her by asking that whether she consider everyone as her brother, enunciating “everyone” twice. When the girl reckoned, he suffered the pain in heart but he again brave his emotion and put behind his pain and promised that he will solve her problem, but she won’t ever question how he did. Well at that time it didn’t matter how her problem was solve, all she want was to get rid of that road side Romeo.

NO- ONE MESS WITH MY GIRL

When the recess was about to get over and all the students returned to their respective classes, the girl stood out and the fat boy went inside. He straight away went to the stage and addressed the whole class in his loud intonation.

Every one left their errands and settled on their respective seats.

He said, “listen to me and listen to me very carefully as I am not going to repeat myself again. The new girl happens to be my girlfriend and I don’t want anyone troubling her because now I will get involved and trust me my involvement won’t at all be good”. He saw his best friend and gave him his looks.

No one could dare to mess with the giant fat boy’s girl and since then, to the girl surprise no boy in the class leave aside talking won’t even see her eye to eye. She was relieved of her misery, at the same time she was curious to know how it happened but according to her deal with the fat boy she didn’t ask.

THE PROPOSAL

The girl came from a very dominating and conservative non-punjabi family. Throughout her life till then she never had a boy as a friend. But this time she actually enjoyed the fat boy’s company. He used to take care of her and treat her good and encourage her for different things which her father restricted her to do.

For first time in her life she fell so independent and happy. Though she used to ask the boy for approval before doing anything, and always found him standing in support of her.

It was the last year of the school and after the boards result would be out everyone will carry on their own career path and all old friendship will dissolve into casual meetings. Boy was losing sleep over of the thought of losing the love of his life.

Finally on first April, after the board exams he called the girl to meet outside and proposed her. At first the girl thought that since it was first April, the fool’s day, he is trying to make a fool of her, but when she noticed the honesty and sincerity in his eye she asked for some time to consider the proposal.

After exactly six days she said yes. All she consider was his heart of gold and nothing did matter after that.

Their courtship period was restricted to just few outdoor meeting and long chat on mobile at night. They didn’t hang out in much as the chairs of theater were not comfortable for the fat boy and hanging out in public places, because of enormous difference in their size, the attracted undue attention.

MEETING WITH THE DADDY

When they were through their graduation it was the time to move ahead. It was the time for the brave knight to meet the daddy to ask the hand of the girl for holy matrimony.

The boy who never cared about his one hundred and fifty kg size even after hearing tyrannies of the world, started to diet and spending time in gym to lose those extra kg. He worked very hard and in short period of time he was successful in losing about sixty kg, much better than his giant stature.

And finally the day came to meet the girl’s dad. The boy possessed good speaking skills and without much drama he was able to impress his future father-in-law. They boy and girl married the same year and subsequent year they were blessed with a baby boy. Moreover he became the beloved son-in-law of the family.

PHRENOLOGY – THE FAT BOY

Bushy hairs – determination and ideas

Broad forehead – intelligence

Big eyes – eloquent

Good Muscle filling between both eyes – self will

Tip of the nose pointing downwards – thespian skills

Broad nostrils – constructive skills

Well formed and moistened upper lip – amative qualities with love and care for other

Well formed and moistened lower lip – foodie, benevolence

The corner of lips pointing upward – mirthful

Cheeks well formed and circular – good friendship and hospitality traits

Dewlap under the chin {double chin} – good economical traits

Chin broad – conscientiousness

Small round ears – love of music

EPILOGUE

It’s been three years they have been married and they were enjoying their happily ever after, but as it is called fate, they were destine to give one more test.

Last December, suddenly the boy got an attack of Bell’s palsy {in which the half side of the face got paralyzed}. It was severe enough to cause one sided hemiplagia {paralysis of one whole side including the arm and leg of that side}.

He went through vigorous medical treatment and was rendered to the bed. After little recovery he went through hours and hours of physiotherapy sessions before gaining much of the body movements.

And during this entire time girl stood strongly beside him being the pillar of his strength. They suffered but at the end emerged out victorious.

Finally they earned their happily ever after.

MORAL

 

They say where there is a will, there is a way,

The fat boy got slim girl and lived happily every day.

THE WASHER MAN

               THE WASHER MAN

A washer man is a person who will collect your clothes, wash them, iron them and deliver you back. Apparently there is no other definition of washer man that I know, until recently. I came to know about a man who washes each and everything coming from outside the boundary of his house.

THE PHOBIA

 

A tall, about six feet, dark complexion, lean lithe, bend shoulder with permanent self loathing and pity expression on his face man from Cuttack, Orissa have habit to be hygienic and he keeps himself and his surrounding clean by washing. As I doctor I should appreciate him but on the contrary I am treating him for it.

He is phobic of catching infectious disease and falling terminally ill because of it and it would be the reason for his untimely demise from the world. Making the old adage, “precaution is better than cure” as his golden rule, all he does the whole day is to remain clean and hence keep washing, washing and washing. When I say, he keeps washing everything coming outside the boundary of his house, I don’t say it metamorphic ally but in literal meaning of each every word.

WATER, WATER EVERY WHERE

Our washer man wakes up at four in the morning. Takes his daily bath, duration being one hour in which he scrubs himself from head to toe three to five times. 

He brushes his teeth every time he eats something, whether it be his full prime meals or tiniest morsel of any edible item, the number of times he brushes varies from five to twenty times, sometimes it may even shoot up. And because of this regular frequent brushing his teeth enamel have begin to wear off and his dentist had black listed his teeth as the endanger species but still the brushing continues as always.

He washes his clothes everyday without fail and everyday there are dozens of which are collected for him to wash. The reason being that every time he steps outside his house his clothes become susceptible to dangerous alien environment and carry potential to make him ill, so after completing his errands, he rushes back to his territory, washes his feet from water from water tank fixed at the main gate of his house and then straight away marches to the bathroom to wash and scrub, discarding the old clothes to be washed tomorrow and wearing the new ones. The procedure remains the same even if his going five steps away from his house to nearby shop to buy things of daily use. 

Apart from washing raw vegetables and fruits, another thing that is washed in his house is the currency notes and coins. It doesn’t matter whether they are coming as returned change from the shops, or from cashier of the bank or the ATM, they share the same fate, first being dipped in water, and then clipped on the ropes to be dried in sun and finally being ironed. 

His family members are sick of him as he even makes them wash their hand million times in a day. The worst sufferers are the cooks and servants of the house. He won’t touch his food until he sees water dripping from the hands of his cook while he serves food at the dining table. And servants are kept busy in washing and scrubbing floors, walls, tables of the house and they are made to do it again and again, if someone from outside enters and use the premises, it doesn’t matter who they be {may they be the guests or neighbors or any member of the house who have returned from outside}.

Out of eighteen waking hours in a day this man spends around ten to twelve hours in washing, washing and washing. 

And the credit added to his name is that he happens to be proud and highest payer of water bill of the city in which he lives.

PHRENOLOGY

·       Small forehead – average intelligence

·       Deep horizontal wrinkles covering whole breath of his forehead – carefulness, tendency to worry a lot

·       Small eyebrows – lack of observation

·       Sparse hair growth in his eyebrows - lack of executive qualities

·       High raised eyebrows, dividing the forehead equally in two parts – superstitious, excessive credenciveness

·       Small eyes with its outer angle pointing downwards – persuasive eyes, east to come in talks of other people

·       Long nose – excessive carefulness

·       Pinched nose – {constricted alae nasi, reducing the entry of air} – leading to fear and delusional ideas {in this case phobia of catching infectious disease and dying because of it}

·       Small and lack of fullness in upper lips – indifference to loved ones

·       Lack of fullness of lower lip – feeble digestion leading to accumulation of toxins in the system – feeble thinking and delusional ideas

·       Narrow and sucked cheeks – lack of friendship and hospitality

·       Narrow chin – lack of prudence, unreasonable acts

·       Chin protruding outwards – obstinate

·       Ears protruding forward – superstitious, easily coming in talks of people

REASON BEHIND THE PHOBIA

{HOMOEOPATHIC EXPLANATION}

SYPHILIS is a sexually transmitted disease caused by Treponema pallidum.

The primary stage causes the Hunterian chancre {ulcer} on the genitals. The secondary stage leads to rashes on the body and enlarge lymph nodes and mucosal lesions.

The tertiary stage has cardio-vascular and central nervous system involvement leading to degeneration of organs.

This disorder doesn’t end with the life of the diseased human being but is transferred to coming generation, not as the disease personified {meaning that you can’t inoculate Traponema pallidum from any blood or serum sample} but in the form of phobia, obsession and delusions.

This trait being the family heritage is inherited by next generations. The vices of the ancestors become the suffering of the coming generation.

Washing of hands million times a day, catching hold of infectious disease, fear of dying of infectious disease are some of the phobia seen in the people whose family tree shows the exposure of syphilis in prior generations. 

MORAL

Why do we fear dying, when death is inevitable? I once read these lines somewhere, though I don’t recall the name of the author but would like to share with you.

“to every man on this earth,

death cometh soon or late

how can a man die better?

by facing difficult odds

for ashes of his father

for temples of his gods.”

THE MARK OF VISHNU

                    THE MARK OF VISHNU

A true vaisnava {devote of lord Vishnu} every morning after having the bath smear his body with paste of sandalwood. There are thirteen different places on body where the mark of lord Vishnu identical to English letter “V” is applied as the obeisance to the lord and with each smearing, the names of lord varied avatars are chanted in the form of mantras {holy hymns}.

Following is the Tilak mantra. 

Part of the body                                  The mantra

1 Forehead                                     Om Keshavay namha

                                                    {Obeisance to lord keshava}

2 Above umbilicus                        Om Narayana namha

                                                    {Obeisance to lord narayan}

3 Chest bone                                 Om Madhava namha

                                                    {Obeisance to lord madhav}

4 Throat                                        Om Govinda namha

                                                    {Obeisance to lord govind}

5 Right of umbilicus                     Om Vishnu namha

                                                    {Obeisance to lord Vishnu} 

6 Right arm                                  Om Madhusuda namha

                                                    {Obeisance to lord

                                                                             madhusudan }

7 Right shoulder                              Om trivikramay namha

                                                    {Obeisance to lord

                                                                             trivikramay}

8 Left of umbilicus                        Om Vamanay namha

                                                    {Obeisance to lord vaman}

9 Left arm                                      Om Shridhar namha

                                                    {Obeisance to lord shridhar}

10 Left shoulder                        Om Hrishekeshay namha 

                                                    {Obeisance to lord

                                                                                hrishekesh} 

11 Below neck                              Om Padnabhay namha

                                                    {Obeisance to lord

                                                                               padnabhay}

12 Waist                                        Om Damodar namha

                                                    {Obeisance to lord damodar}

13 Occipital area                         Om Vasudev namha

                                                    {Obeisance to lord                      

                                                                           vasudev}   

               

This is the regular procedure for a Vaisnava, wake, bath and smear, done without fail every day. These smears are temporary as sometimes they get washed away or wiped away. What if these marks were waterproof and wipe proof, let say permanent, would that person be the chosen one?

THE BLUFF MASTER

A fourteen year boy, dark complexion, oval face, moderately build suffers from frequent attack of asthma. There is very typical thing about his bouts of asthma attacks as they are his emotion controlled. Anything or anyone pisses him off, he gets one of them, any major decision making time, and the anxiety triggers one of worse attack or any punishment for his misdeed also incites one of them.

Moreover he is an ingenues thespian who gives an Oscar competing performance of his sickness that until and unless the stethoscope is put on his chest to check his breath sounds you can’t distinguish between the genuine and the folly symptoms. He is such a great sympathy seeker.

 And to complement it remarkably he is naturally gifted with “The mark of Vishnu” on his forehead. Two prominent veins terminating at a single point on forehead forming a “V”. Born in the family of orthodox vaisnava, he is considered the blessed one, hence have advantage over other siblings in the family. He is never reprimanded for his misdeeds and his all valid or invalid demands are satisfied with utmost perfection considering it to be the word of god.

With all these feathers in his cap he is the accomplished Bluff Master.

MEDICAL EXPLANATION OF HIS MARK

Our bluff master has the anomaly which we call medically Cavernous Haemangioma. It is developmental malformation of blood vessels, usually present since birth. They become more and more prominent with passing years. It’s bluish in color as the content is the venous blood. So actually according to books of medicine the so called mark of Vishnu on the forehead of the boy is developmental defect and have no hidden meaning to it 

PHRENOLOGY OF BLUFF MASTER

·       Broad forehead – memory of events

·       Spare hairs in eyebrows – lack of executive qualities

·       Small eyes and outer corner of eyes having upward deviation – slyness and conceit

·       Concave nose – lack of executive quality and weak decision making power

·       Pinched nose at the tip – lack of sublime and ideal presentation of behavior

·       Oval face {ample of muscle supply} – flexible to situation and can flawlessly enact varied colors of emotion on his face

·       Receding chin – poor decision making trait

·       Small mouth – greed, rapacious

·       Double chin {dewlap under the chin} – greed

·       Thick neck – avarice, greed

·       Dark complexion – more the color of the skin, more is the passion towards the dominating trait, in this case it is greed

GIMMICK OF BLUFF MASTER

The undue advantage he gets on the pretext of the mark of Vishnu are stated as following –

·       He is never reprimanded for any of his misdeed, but instead his siblings bear the wrath of his share.

·       He sticks to none of his decision and keeps changing them. In past one year he have shunted into different hobby programmes irrespective of the fact that the whole fees of the programme being paid in advance by his parents. Sometimes he wants to learn karate, sometimes tycondo, or music or drawing and other time he is satisfied with dancing. He always cites imprudent reason for his refusal. He displays them so perfectly on the backdrop of his mark that he is never ever refused.

·       He never completes his homework worse even leaves his examination sheet unanswered.

·       He broke his LED television with his power blade.

·       Starts the brawl and then skips out of it efficiently leaving other fighting, he actually enjoys it.

·       And the list goes on and on.......

A TRUE VAISNAVA

A true vaisnava is the eternal servitor of the lord Vishnu, demanding nothing in return. His happiness lies in just serving his master and just to distinguish himself from others he smear his body with his master trademark. It’s not the mark in the material sense but the mark transcendentally personified that represent the basic feel or “Bhava” as it is explained in the tenth canto of "Bhagvatam". It is never the license for imprudent and unreasonable acts which bear the potential to doom whole mankind into bigotry and unwanted orthodoxy taking us further away from our true master, total contrary to its basic purpose.

MORAL

No one is stamped good or bad at time of birth,                         upbringing and morals make them choose their berth.